You just love to love, don't you? We can tell that you're a die-hard romantic who appreciates the deep sentiment that loving, meaningful words and actions bring to life. Love and romance go hand-in-hand for you, so you adore pouring on the terms of endearment, the hopeful promises, and the doting acts you think your fella deserves. Whether you're in an idealistic and caring mood or being sweet, playful, and impulsive, you're a giving partner who's eager to express how excited you are about your relationship. For you, love is all about sharing your feelings and making your significant other feel cherished. After all, the more often you reassure him of the strength of your emotions, the better, right? And you love tapping your creative side to express how much he means to you and how important you think his needs are. Congratulations — you really know how to celebrate your love.
You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!
This is not a very wonderful time for me. This is not the first time though but I still can’t get used to this feeling. I hate to be lonely… I hate feeling alone. Although I am technically not alone. I just feel that I am. Maybe it is because I can’t tell anyone what I truly feel at this point. Damn, I can’t even write it here. I wish I am brave enough to just go ahead and show the world what I really feel. Like I wrote in my previous post, I go around masking my feelings because that is what is expected of me. Or maybe it is what I want people to see. And honestly, I am getting tired of hiding it all. Sometimes I think maybe… just maybe, I will be happy if I could have my freedom. If I could just forget all about it and just go and be what I want to be. Maybe… just maybe.
I broke up with a boyfriend the other day and no one knows about it yet. Well, only a few people know about him anyway. Just two to be exact. The situation is kind of complicated. And we broke up because of that. We ended it amicably and I am fine. I am still sad though. I loved him in my own little way. But like I said the situation is complicated and things are better left that way.
I need to get out of this blues fast. If I wanted to get something out of this writing bit, I need to pull myself together and write everything logically. I’m sorry for whoever is reading this shit though, or if ever there is anyone who gives a damn. See… that is my problem, I know what to do but I can’t do it. I started to write this blog hoping to clear my mind and my heart of everything that is burdening me. But up until this time, I haven’t gotten around to really start digging.
I’ll try to nurse a broken heart first and when I am fine again maybe I will get around to doing it. So stay tuned…
I finally broke down yesterday. I was talking to a family friend and we have been discussing about what my parents think and say about me. It was all nice, like how lucky they were to have me and somehow at the middle of it, my tears just fell.
I told her how unhappy I am despite all I have. Sure I never lacked anything but deep inside I wanted someone. I got to admit that all these years, there is only one that I loved most and I want him back. I had some relationships and I dated a lot in the past years. But deep down, much as I want to deny, he is still in my heart. I tried hard to forget. The few relationships that I entered into are part of that forgetting process. Don’t get me wrong, I do love them but maybe not as deep. I stopped dating because I fear that nobody will ever replace him. I am taking a breather for myself.
She looked at me and said, “I didn’t know you are unhappy.”
It was the only time that I have admitted to someone in real world that I am not happy. She told me that she thought I was. I strike her as someone who will be happy living it all because I can go places, buy things on my own, have a nice family and most of all… she didn’t see it from just looking at me. I hide it all beautifully.
I guess my phone conversation with him the night before pushed me to this. That was the most meaningful conversation we had since our break up. Yes, we have been communicating still but past conversations was just a matter of courtesy and updating on what’s happening around us. That night we talked for hours and shared secrets. It was a game of bare all. We asked questions in turn and each has to answer truthfully even if the other thinks that it is too shameful to say. We promised not to judge or look down on each other no matter how it turned out.
I don’t know if it’s insanity but somehow… that made me see some hope for us. This and the realization that I still love him the same way I did before, I just couldn’t handle all that to myself anymore. I know that at some point I will have an over pouring. I wanted to believe that somewhere there will be a happy ending like in fairy tales but I don’t want to waste my time waiting for something that will never be.