Thursday, February 09, 2006

Which Superhero Are You?

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man
80%
Supergirl
72%
Green Lantern
70%
Superman
65%
The Flash
60%
Hulk
55%
Iron Man
55%
Wonder Woman
52%
Robin
50%
Catwoman
45%
Batman
35%
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Love Test

You're a Romantic High!





You just love to love, don't you? We can tell that you're a die-hard romantic who appreciates the deep sentiment that loving, meaningful words and actions bring to life. Love and romance go hand-in-hand for you, so you adore pouring on the terms of endearment, the hopeful promises, and the doting acts you think your fella deserves. Whether you're in an idealistic and caring mood or being sweet, playful, and impulsive, you're a giving partner who's eager to express how excited you are about your relationship. For you, love is all about sharing your feelings and making your significant other feel cherished. After all, the more often you reassure him of the strength of your emotions, the better, right? And you love tapping your creative side to express how much he means to you and how important you think his needs are. Congratulations — you really know how to celebrate your love.

By Tickle Tests

Monday, January 23, 2006

What's Your True Color?


Blue

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

By Tickle Tests

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Black and blue

This is not a very wonderful time for me. This is not the first time though but I still can’t get used to this feeling. I hate to be lonely… I hate feeling alone. Although I am technically not alone. I just feel that I am. Maybe it is because I can’t tell anyone what I truly feel at this point. Damn, I can’t even write it here. I wish I am brave enough to just go ahead and show the world what I really feel. Like I wrote in my previous post, I go around masking my feelings because that is what is expected of me. Or maybe it is what I want people to see. And honestly, I am getting tired of hiding it all. Sometimes I think maybe… just maybe, I will be happy if I could have my freedom. If I could just forget all about it and just go and be what I want to be. Maybe… just maybe.

I broke up with a boyfriend the other day and no one knows about it yet. Well, only a few people know about him anyway. Just two to be exact. The situation is kind of complicated. And we broke up because of that. We ended it amicably and I am fine. I am still sad though. I loved him in my own little way. But like I said the situation is complicated and things are better left that way.

I need to get out of this blues fast. If I wanted to get something out of this writing bit, I need to pull myself together and write everything logically. I’m sorry for whoever is reading this shit though, or if ever there is anyone who gives a damn. See… that is my problem, I know what to do but I can’t do it. I started to write this blog hoping to clear my mind and my heart of everything that is burdening me. But up until this time, I haven’t gotten around to really start digging.

I’ll try to nurse a broken heart first and when I am fine again maybe I will get around to doing it. So stay tuned…

Monday, January 16, 2006

I am a mess

I finally broke down yesterday. I was talking to a family friend and we have been discussing about what my parents think and say about me. It was all nice, like how lucky they were to have me and somehow at the middle of it, my tears just fell.

I told her how unhappy I am despite all I have. Sure I never lacked anything but deep inside I wanted someone. I got to admit that all these years, there is only one that I loved most and I want him back. I had some relationships and I dated a lot in the past years. But deep down, much as I want to deny, he is still in my heart. I tried hard to forget. The few relationships that I entered into are part of that forgetting process. Don’t get me wrong, I do love them but maybe not as deep. I stopped dating because I fear that nobody will ever replace him. I am taking a breather for myself.

She looked at me and said, “I didn’t know you are unhappy.”

It was the only time that I have admitted to someone in real world that I am not happy. She told me that she thought I was. I strike her as someone who will be happy living it all because I can go places, buy things on my own, have a nice family and most of all… she didn’t see it from just looking at me. I hide it all beautifully.

I guess my phone conversation with him the night before pushed me to this. That was the most meaningful conversation we had since our break up. Yes, we have been communicating still but past conversations was just a matter of courtesy and updating on what’s happening around us. That night we talked for hours and shared secrets. It was a game of bare all. We asked questions in turn and each has to answer truthfully even if the other thinks that it is too shameful to say. We promised not to judge or look down on each other no matter how it turned out.

I don’t know if it’s insanity but somehow… that made me see some hope for us. This and the realization that I still love him the same way I did before, I just couldn’t handle all that to myself anymore. I know that at some point I will have an over pouring. I wanted to believe that somewhere there will be a happy ending like in fairy tales but I don’t want to waste my time waiting for something that will never be.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Cure for boredom...

...I know there are many but this is the only one available to me now.

Don't you hate it when you know you have to finish something yet your body won't follow you? I am feeling exactly that right now. I have a report to finish but look at what I am doing... I am making a post to this blog. I could get fired for this, right? Hope not. Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother to write when obviously no one reads this site. I wish I have more friends. And since I don't have that many now, I'll just write here hoping that the internet will not tire of me yet.

I have been like this for about a week now. This could be a result of all the things that is bugging me. I need to find a decent yet cheap apartment, there are bills to pay, a lovelife to sort out... just to name a few. Life is just too sweet to me and never fails to give me something to work out. Hay! Well, that's life. You never know what you're gonna get next time.

I wonder if there are people who are actually worry-free. If there are please let me know. I admit that I am a worrier and that causes me more problem than what I already have. I want to stop being one. I just don't know how.

Well, it's time to go back to work. Enough of my ramblings.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dream

I had this dream some time ago now, two weeks perhaps. The peculiar thing about this is that I don't normally remember dreams this vividly for this long. Some dreams are, as they are wont to be, fades from memory once my conscious mind took over. I wouldn't have mind this if the message is not so clear.

In my dream, an ex came back and made peace with me. It was nice and all... only that he asked me to marry him on Sept. 23, 2006. I was speechless and I could not believe I am hearing it right. I don't know but somehow in my dream I know that the day was sometime in June 2006. See... the marriage proposal was reasonable because normally here in my country, marriage preparations can be made in 2 months time. The dream ended there, with the camera focused on my face showing mixed emotions: indecision, surprise, fear and happiness.

I am not sure why I had that dream or why that intensity. It was likely, yes but something that I am not sure I want. What am I saying? Maybe I am just panicking subconsciously knowing that I am not getting any younger and I need to start a family soon if I ever want to have kids. But... why that date? Why him? Why can't I erase it from my mind? I'm telling you, it is nagging my brains everytime I have a free time. It is just there inside my head. Waiting for every opportunity to remind me of its presence.

What makes things more hazy is that... my lovelife is not in a very good shape now. I will discuss the details later when I am ready. But for now suffice it to say that everything seems falling apart.

I wish to get my life back on track.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Some positive thinking

I got this from an email. I am not a big fan of forwarded messages, especially those that scare you into passing the message on or you would have bad luck if not. Those are just annoying. I mean if you want to remember someone, why not just pass the email on but forego the threat part. But this one, I really like and I have to share it to you. This is nice, finding positive out of every negative, which we don't always manage to do. We could use this as a mantra whenever we got caught up in things that almost drive us into madness sometimes.

I am thankful...
1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else.

2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets.

3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

7. For a floor that needs mopping and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home.

8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.

9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbors because it means that I can hear.

11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.

13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am still alive.

AND FINALLY ....... for received e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me, at least.

I hope that helps.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Like I don't know!

You scored as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Congratulations! You are obsessive-compulsive! You know nothing curbs images of mutilating your mother like a good counting/checking/washing ritual... wait, DID you forget to turn off the stove???

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

75%

Eating Disorders

58%

Unipolar Depression

58%

Borderline Personality Disorder

42%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

33%

Schizophrenia

17%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Bikers abound...

When driving around and there are lots of bikers darting here and there like asteroids in the sky, remember this...

"Matter occupy space, and they matter."

Enough said.

Christmas Loot

Here are the books that a friend gave me last Christmas. You can see that one is about getting old and the other one is for a positive outlook. Hmm... what to infer from that? Well, one can deduce that I am a sad, aging cow. Oh! I know he means no harm when he gave me that. It just made me think quite a bit... am I really getting old? And I need to be happier. That one, I know I really need.

I read the books anyway. However, the book "Too Wise to Want to be Young Again" still don't apply to me. Let's say that those are for grannies. I would like to think that I am still at that point where I am making memories for my old age. Although as of the moment, I am not happy about the memories I am making. This is one low point in my lovelife. You might be suprised but I have one although it is not very healthy at this time. There are major issues that I need to resolve and some major decisions that I need to make.

I started this blog so I can have some form of release from everything that is plaguing me. But there are times when I fear that someone will judge me without really understanding what I am going through. And everything is just bottled deep inside me. That is the reason why I am not a happy camper these days. I carry so much guilt, so many thoughts, worries and doubts. I must admit that I am a worrier... I can't live my life not knowing. But of course I know there is a limit to what I can and what I ought to know. I will really be glad if a man for once will answer the same questions he himself ask of me.