One of those times...

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future...not the career side though. I was more focused on what I want with my life as a person, as a woman. At my age of 27, it is only right that I rethink what I want to have and what I want to be when I grow old. If I acted early on the decision I will have, then there will still be time to establish what I want to be to get what I want to have. Sounds confusing? So is my state of mind and heart right now.

One thing about being 27 in the Philippines is that people expects you to settle down or at least be thinking of settling down. If getting married is settling down is another matter but that is how they call it. Anyway, some single friends say that 27 is still young at this generation. They have a point there. As for me, I don't think I have ever fully enjoyed singlehood. But there are also times when I saw my former classmates and see their kids with them that I find some longing in my heart. But then, I couldn't really compare. They might have made a nice domestic lives but they don't have satisfying careers. Everybody have to make choices. Although at times these choices comes in with a price.

I got a lot on my mind right now. I wanted to look inside my heart for the answer but I am also afraid of what I am going to see there.

Bummer! The bumper got bumped...

I had a minor accident this morning along Nichols. I wasn't hurt nor any of my passengers. That's something to be thankful for. Because of the really heavy traffic, we had to forego the police report and just agreed that we will settle this on ourselves. Maybe that's stupidity on my part but I was also pressed for time and I know how long this process takes. As of my writing this, I am still waiting for the driver to call me... he promised he will. I hope he is not going to chicken out because I don't have money for repaint right now.

The funny thing about this is that I have this uneasy feeling for two weeks prior to this. I know that something will happen to me and the car. Luckily, it is just something minor. I am still lucky in some ways!

Crash and burn

My mind is in shambles right now. I know what is right and what is wrong. I know that what I am doing is wrong but going the other way is just too hard for me at this point. I need love and I crave for every source that I can lay my hands on. To think that there are billions of people on earth... why is love so hard to find? Why? I wish I knew the answer to that. There is someone out there for me for everybody isn't it? Or is there really? What if it is all in the mind... a belief that man created so those poor broken souls like me can have something to look forward to? I wish I don't have to fall in love because getting up is always so difficult.

I think...

...I am in big trouble than I care to admit.

I am only human...

There are times when I think that I am ready for whatever the world will throw against me but I was wrong. Just because you see me standing up doesn't mean I didn't weep inside. It has been the most common misconception by those who don't know me well enough. They think I am strong, that I am clever, that I am almost perfect. But who is? I know I am not and it is a big burden when people think that I am. When people wants to believe that I am.

When I saw the movie The Notebook, I know that this will be one of my favorite love stories. In fact this is the top one as of now. The girl here is far from perfect, she has her temper and childish. But despite it all, she was loved. A love that endures... that waits...is everlasting. I wish I could find something like that too. Someone who will also love me not because of my strengths but because of my whole self, my faults and all. Wouldn't it be so nice to be not afraid to be your self and say what is on your mind to someone you love without fearing that he will see you differently because of that?

At most, I just want to be understood, for someone not to expect me to always do the right thing. I am only human. I err, fall and stumble, and get my foot in my mouth too. God knows how I wish for someone to love and to love me back. It is just so hard knowing who that person is. When will I meet him... or did I already but just don't know?

Reborn!

I want to think that this blog will be my new beginning, a new chapter in my life. I had a blog before but I have to leave it. And with this new start I got myself a new name, which I hope is appropriate...Althea.

From the Greek name Αλθαια (Althaia), perhaps related to Greek αλθος (althos) "healing". In Greek myth she was the mother of Meleager. Soon after her son was born she was told that he would die as soon as a piece of wood that was burning on her fire was fully consumed. She immediately extinguished the piece of wood and sealed it in a chest, but in a fit of rage many years later she took it out and set it alight, thereby killing her son.

I do wish that this new journey will turn out for the better.